Falling slowly

Last week, has been one helluva messed-up week. Lots of pent-up anger, tears and cursing. Lots of bad-mouthing other people (yes i know), lots of shouting and lots of venting. Hopelessness, dejection and frustration. Misunderstandings and over-sensitivity. Bitterness and near-break-ups.

Yes, a lot has happened.

But every cloud has a silver lining.
Among all this harshness, there was also sweetness: the feeling you get when you accomplish something, the feeling when all your friends stick up for you, the moment you realize that you are not alone. The power of teamwork. And also the feeling you get after making-up from a fight with a loved one, that sense of assurance and comfort, knowing that they will always be there for you. :)

I've had quite a week.

And to you,
I'm sorry for last week. I really really am. I'm sorry for not being understanding enough, sorry for not being able to tolerate anything. I have grown so much after that incident. You taught me valuable lessons, and though I've cried cuz of these lessons, they were all worth my tears. I'm okay now, and in fact, I'm stronger than ever before, and it's all because of you. I believe that we can overcome whatever obstacles that life may throw in our way. Thank you. I love you, and i hope what we have will last. :)

Sometimes you just feel like giving up and letting go

Thats exactly how i feel now.

You make me wana eat my hat and light my pants on fire

Oh okay. that was random. But i really am FUMING. Like seriously. I havent been so stressed out and frustrated about something since.. FOREVER.

HELLO. This thing we're planning here, it's all for you guys, and you guys dont even know how to appreciate what we're doing for you? Please dont act like we have to dedicate our 24 hours a day towards this thing. We're just doing it out of courtesy, and if you really dont like the way we're planning to do it, then go ahead and plan it yourselves.

这是我们的一番心意，你们喜欢就接受，不喜欢就算了。我们还有更重要的事情做。现在我们应该以学业为重，而不是你们。我们肯抽空出来搞这些东西已经算是很好了。如果你们那么不懂得珍惜，那么喜欢批评我们，为难、刁难我们，还为了锁琐碎碎的事情闹脾气, 我想，大家已经是没有心要继续挨下去，搞好这件事了。:/

And.. ishh... i feel like such a failure right now. I can't do anything right. I can't lead, I can't make up my mind on anything. I couldnt stand the pressure and I broke down at school today. Luckily i had my bunch of very awesome friends with me. Xinlin. Liting. YiSyuen and Pengjane. Thanks for today. Thanks for cheering me up. Thanks for your support. I promise you guys I'll do my best not to let you guys down. (p/s i dont give a shit about what they think of me anymore. I'll do things my own way. =])

oh, and lesson learnt today: If you want things done, dont count on other people. SO TRUE.

Bidding adieu to July

Farewell, July. A month to be remembered. So much has happened in this past month, so much that i dont even know where to start.

*opens facebook homepage*

whats on your mind?

YOU.

What a silly question, as if there's even a need to ask.

You're on my mind, you're in my heart. It doesnt matter where we are, even if we're miles apart. All i wana do is be with you. There's nothin' we can't do, just wana be with you, only you. ;)

I've missed you so much this week. Thanks for today. Thanks for everything. iloveyou. :3

He gazed at her with enough love in his eyes to flood a small village

Haha ignore the title. It was just some random sentence from my English homework. :D

Another week has gone. Half a month more till August tests and i still have 3 shitty long chapters of history to finish. GROUPSTUDY!! chonglixin. happyshum. chinxinlin. leeshintien. kjwenfljh. ANYONE??? sigh i'm gonna be SO screwed. :/ *drops head onto table in dejection*

School life has been fun lately. :DDD I kinda enjoy slipping out of the back door of the classroom when im bored. (the teacher doesnt even notice! epiccc fail man ). Then lychee and I will happily walk round the school untill we meet some law-abiding classmate coming back from the toilet or wherever, who will then shoo us back to class. :P

OH and my bubu is back from LONDON! i darn friggin hate you cuz you get to see hot guys, bub! imsogladyougotsunburn! *evil laughters* >:)

And now, my main reason for posting..YOU, of course.

:B

You have have no idea how scared I am of what I'm feeling. This is a first for me. I've never felt this way before. Ever. You said that trust is the most important thing. But trust is not something that I easily dish out to everyone i know. Trust is hard to come by, trust has to be proven, trust has to be earned. But you, you are a total different case. I'm willing to take this leap of faith, and trust you. (seehowluckyyouare?) :P :P ILOVEYOU.

HARRY POTTER ON SUNDAY. TWO MORE DAYS TO GO! :DD

christinawong. carmenlew. looyijia. tanyisyuen. I IS VERY BEH SHOCK YOU GUYS CUZ YOU GUYS ARE WATCHING IT EARLIER THAN ME!!! D:

Randomly saw this pic on TUMBLR:

Gawd it's like CARB HEAVEN. Potatoes on rice on sausages on bread. CAN YOU IMAGINE THE CALORIES. omg.

but it still looks yummy though. XD

Oh great. my stomach is already yowling.

note to self, NEVER browse tumblr at night while hungry. :P

right it's late and i have school tomorrow.

So thats it for the night, peeps.

ciao :)

Between now and forever

Sports day and Penang chun lei '11 :')

Just a weee update before cobwebs and flies dominate my blog. :P
I havent really had the inspiration to blog lately. Oh whatevs. I dont like the way i blog anyway. :/ I like the way Yijia blogs. Yeahhhhhhh. Check out her blog HERE.
:)

Time flies huh. Another month has passed since my last post. So much has happened, so much has changed, and i have a feeling that nothing will ever be the same...

Firstly, YOU.
We're from different worlds, never supposed to meet. I'm so glad Fate interfered and brought us together. You taught me the meaning of true friendship, and changed me in ways you could never imagine. Thankyou for sticking with me through thick and thin, through all the hardships I've faced in this past month. Even though our time together hasnt been long, i feel as if I've known you forever. You remind me of myself, in a way. As you say, we run on the same frequency. Please dont keep saying that I made the wrong decision. I know i didnt.
iloveyoulots,andyouknowit. ;)

Hmmm. What else? Oh. PARENT'S DAY. Haha it was kinda fun, in a way. Sat and talked in front of the hall with lychee and la yeng. THEY ARE SO LAME HAHAHAHA. :DDD Somehow, i really enjoy watching them squabbling and trying to annoy the lights out of each other. I'm realllyyyy bad. I know. ;D My results for mid-year were... *covers face with hands* Even i was shocked at how terrible it was. :S I really have to start studying for August. ARGHHHHHH. Physics and Add Maths! Imma conquer you! >:)

HP7.2 ON SUNDAY WITH DARLING SHINTIEN! I feel so excited for it, yet kind of sad.. After 10 years, it's the end of a legend, a story that will not be forgotton, carried on by the millions whom it has touched.. It's gonna feel kinda weird not looking forward to the next HP film. HP was such a big part of my childhood. Thankyou JK Rowling, for Harry, for the magic, and for making us all believe. I just can't accept the fact that this is really the very end.. Having a funny feeling now that I'll cry while watching the last film. :')

TODAY'S A HOLIDAY!
but i procrastinated doing all my work, so i have to finish it up now..
ciao, people.
HELLO ADDMATHS AND ENGLISH.
:)

MKT "11

谢谢文桥，让我通过这一次的领袖营，学会了这么多课本上学习不到的东西，让我认识到这么多人。谢谢你们让我在这个领袖营有了一次又一次的自我突破。信心组，我们是最棒的！:)

MKT camp this year was unbelievably awesome. Our group was awesome. I shall forever remember the two performances we did together. Christina's "JB-slash-brunomars musical drama", and our literally out-of-this-world drama. JB musical drama was seriously fun, and i really really enjoyed playing for them. (my first guitar performance woohoo! although it was damn crappy haha). annnd needless to mention, the drama. Oooooooh i really admire our group! We used less than half an hour to produce a 5 minute drama titled 真爱，需要等待. and we only rehearsed once! XD that's the power of teamwork. :)

This year's camp held so many breakthroughs for me. For once during a camp, i came out of my shell. I mean, not that i'm anti-social. I just find it hard to open up to people sometimes, especially people who i already have an idea about who they are. So yeahhh. This was the first time i shared my innermost thought to complete strangers. And surprisingly, it felt good. Thanks to everyone who listened. Christina, Annie, YingHui, RuoHeng and so many more. And especially my group leader, XiuJun. Ilove you guys so much!

Christina you're a great leader. You're so serious about everything, every single detail. and everything is equally important to you. And most importantly, you dont overlook anyone. You make everyone feel equally important, even the most minor people and characters, and i feel that is crucial in being a leader. :)

arhhhh i dont know what to blog anymore! IN CONCLUSION , THIS CAMP WAS AWESOME.

okay bye.

how lame, i know

:P

It's 12am, I'm hungry and my leg is full of darned mosquito bites

Mua legs are ITCHING. like SERIOUSLY. i swear i shall NEVER sit anywhere near the chairs behind the hall anymore. you can feel them, ( and i mean literally FEEL) then flying around your legs. I CANT STOP SCRATCHING MY LEGS! gahhhhh.

So anyway. Performance for teacher's day is coming along great. Viva la vida rocks, and as faith says, it's less than 24 hours old! We're so awesome. :P Skipped class for two days with lycheh, and we have tons of homework waiting for us to do now. hehehehe.

okay so there's this guy. lets call him X. and he's like friggin annoying. -.- so i told my friend, which is also his friend. and my friend asked him to eff off. and now i cant believe that X is lecturing me on thinking before i speak? like WHATTHEHELL seriously. WHAT I SAY TO MY FRIEND IS NONE OF YOUR FARKING BUSINESS. HELLO?!! EVER HEARD OF FREEDOM OF SPEECH? I CAN SAY WHATEVERI LIKE TO HIM. ARE YOU SERIOUSLY TRYING TO CONTROL WHAT I SAY TO MY FRIEND? AND WHAT HE DOES TO YOU AFTER TALKING TO ME AINT ANY OF MY BUSINESS EITHER. THAT'S BETWEEN YOU AND HIM. ughhhhh. mothafarkers.

Oh, and you. you jerk. i cant believe i stood up for you. i cant believe that i cried for you. now i know. you're a jerk, and nothing but a jerk. good riddance to you. Out of sight, out of mind.

ooooooh im HUNGRAYYYYY. :(

this book.

is epic awesomeness.

i kid you not.

Hello hello baby you called but i can’t hear a thing

 

you know i <3 you right. friends forever :)

Dang what is wrong with me. I do not like being noticed. I do not like being in the spotlight. I do not like people’s eyes on me. Im so afraid that I will not live up to people’s expectations once they begin to notice and expect things from me. I’d rather work backstage, be the silent helper that no one sees and acknowledges, but still an important part in the play all the same, than be the shining star that takes the front stage. Im much more comfortable like that. Dont know why, but that’s just the way i roll. :)

Mixed feelings lately. Typical Bella-Edward-Jacob story (okay veryvery bad comparism i know but i dont know what else to compare to!) First, there’s E, whom B cant' forget about even though he left her. Then J comes along and he helps B by just being her best friend, and B loves him for that. But then E returns, and B dumps J for E. Although she loves E, she still loves J, cuz J stiched her up when she was broken, and stiches like that are bound to leave a mark.

Sigh that’s exactly what i’m feeling now. I cried cuz of this that night. I told mom about everything, and i felt so much better after that. This is gonna be the first and the last time, i promise. :)

Summary of my week.

 

       I miss talking to you. So much. :/

It’s 11.35. There’s school tomorrow.

This holidays have been so much for me. It was an emotional roller coaster and a physical challenge, yet i enjoyed every moment of it. Going out selling tickets and looking for advertisements with Emilia and Faith made me realize how big a part CO is in my life. What Brenda said is so true, and i am so glad that i’ve realized it now instead of later. (:

Oh, and about you. I really wish that things could go back to the way they were before, so that i wouldn’t bombard myself with all the ‘what-if’s and ‘why’s. Maybe to you i’m nothing. Maybe to you i’m just an annoying kid who doesnt know what she wants in life. Maybe i’ve thought way too much about everything between us. IDONTKNOW. I just want things to go back to the way there were last time, before everything happened. Can i go back to February please? Sigh. :/

 

              I guess i never let you go, because in the back of my mind, someday we’ll get a second chance.

 

Half a week gone. Wow time really flies, huh. I havent gotten started on my homework yet. and I still have add maths, bio, chem, and @#^&*(@! essays to write for moral and the school magazine etc etc. D:

Monday was my theory exam. It wasn’t as hard as i expected, luckily. LOL I GOT ALL MY ITALIAN TERMS RIGHT! WOOHOOO HOW AWESOME AM I? ;DD Went to some random place in town for lunch after the paper, and saw LIP JING WEN. :O then i went to school for symphony practice. Sat in the oh-so-cold CO room with Faith chatting with Mr lim while all the others were downstairs in the stuffy hall, being scolded for not selling enough tickets. HAHAHAHA. :DD Oh then after symphony practice, Emilia, Faith and I went out to sell tickets and get advertisements for the booklets @ ipoh garden east. Man, that place was epic fail la seriously. We didnt get much donations. :/ ohoh but we discovered something nice and cheap to eat at kopitiam. ICE-CREAM BREAD! HAHAHAHA. It’s basically bread with ice-cream, but the hot bread and cold ice-cream make an interesting contrast. So yeah. try it if you get the chance. :)

I spent the whole tuesday night with my baby guitar. bahahahhaa. Now my fingers are hurting like hell cuz i forced myself to play bar chords yesterday. And i got this weird thing on my palm, which looks like clotted blood, but i have no idea what it is. :S *crosses fingers and prays it isnt serious*

Today we called the companies we went to to ask for advertisments, and YAYYY WE GOT ONE RM200 ADVERTISEMENT!!!  mwuahahaha so happy we were like jumping up and down! :D and we went out to sell tickets again today!  :DD This time Lime and Yeh accompanied us. YEH FETCHED US! bwhahahahaha she’s so cute! ;) never thought that this day would come. EMILIA AND FAITH. IT’S YOUR TURN TO FETCH US NEXT YEAR! ;D Today was awesome. We hit the 100+ mark in less than an hour! Then we went back to Faith’s house and lazed around listening to songs. :P Awww that reminds me of times so loooong ago. I havent been to her house in so long heh heh heh.

Well, as you all can see, my week so far has been ‘CO WEEK’. and honestly, i dont really mind at all. I’m growing to love it more and more. :) I cant believe that we’re leaving next year, and emilia and the rest are leaving this year! :’(  Time seriously flies, as i said at the beginning of my post. Cherish every moment you spend with your friends and loved ones, as you never know when they’ll be gone. :)

 

so deal with it.

Yay it’s 12.13 and im still here blogging.

Well, march tests are finally over. I got crappy results, which was kinda anticipated. But seriously. 40 marks for chinese? I am so gonna push myself for mid-year. :(

Upcoming events: CONCERT. PPO AUDITIONS. and this means practising like hell. D:

Been kinda emo lately. That incident happened so long ago. Why am i still regretting? Why am i still mentally kicking myself for screwing up? Why am i still wondering what could have been? ugh. *bangs head wall* Lots of thanks to lychee and shintien who listened to me crap on and on and onnnnn bout this, even though i know it means nothing to you guys. :/

I have no inspiration to blog. ciao.